Girl...Interrupted

Today is one of those days where I randomly went into deep thought. I always seem to do that at the weirdest times or during fun activities.

I thought about how I'm never satisfied and how I don't know how to gain the inner power to make things better for myself.

Also, how I always seem to get in the most down moods during occasions where I should be happy and loving life.

I figure that all my misfortune is because of me; you know that whole theory on you decide your own happiness.

I just feel like no one understands how to give me what I want or need. And its funny because I don't even understand how to give ME what I want or need.

Also, I was thinking about how bad I just want my life to have meaning. I want to do something productive and that I love. For instance, dance and direct films. I want to live the independent woman lifestyle. Not the type of woman that intimidates men and that are just straight scary lol, but the kind that can do for herself. Like the kind of woman that Ne-Yo describes in "She Got Her Own" and "Miss Independent."I just want to be busy creating and enlightening people's minds and lives. I want to be a fashion icon in my own little world and feel "boss" where ever I go. I already try to make myself feel boss where ever I go, but I want the full blown thing. Where I can go on random shopping sprees without going in debt, live in a bomb condo in a big city, having a wonderful work environment, and being a boss in the sense of having people under me following my order. Kinda like Kimora...she's bomb. Actually, a lot like Kimora.

I sit here excited and anxious thinking about everything that I want and how I AM going to have it all, but there are always those two bitches named Patience and Time that hold me back and anger me all over again.

Excuse me miss for the the "non-making sense" of this...